I am one of those people who happens to believe in the importance of words.  While it’s a good thing to have a broad vocabulary, that’s not what I mean.  I mean that I think words are powerful.  Words aren’t just symbols and they certainly aren’t neutral.  Words actually DO things when we use them or hear them.

Ever been called an idiot?

Ever made a verbal promise?

Ever double-dog-dared someone to do something?

Yes?  Then you get what I mean.  Words are powerful tools.  I would even go so far as to say that words contribute to the shaping of our realities.  Just ask any teenager whose parent has told them on a consistent basis for years that they’re worthless.

This is why I have abandoned the language of “going to church.”  This language reinforces a false reality.  A reality in which church is understood to be a place or an event rather than a Kingdom community or family of disciples.  I would submit that the idea of “going to church” is a chief hallmark of cultural Christianity, the sort of thing that, while having a ring of sincerity to it, actually reshapes our imaginations and our reality in ways counter to the biblical narrative and the purposes of God.  So, a few weeks ago, as Amy and I prepared to take our daughter to a gathering of our church community, she and I had one of our first father-daughter chats.

I began to speak the kind of words to my daughter that I want her to grow up hearing – words that I want to shape her into the sort of person capable envisioning and receiving the story into which she has been born and invited – words that I hope will instill in her the sort of sorrowful/sick feeling that her father gets when he hears people relegate the Church to something we merely “go to.”

I said to her,

Daughter, you are a part of our family and our family is part of a very special group of people.  This group of people has a long, long history, filled with incredible stories that you will get to hear as you get older.  But here’s what you need to know.  God loves this world – everyone and everything in it.  He loves it more than we can even possibly imagine.  He loves it so much that he actually gave himself up for it – can you believe that?!  He did.  But lots of things are wrong.  Not everything is quite the way that it is supposed to be.  But don’t worry, God is at work.  He will see to it that in the end, all things will be made right again.  And guess what, God has invited us to join him on this mission.  He wants us to be a part of it with him as his people.  With God’s help we try to live out God’s dream for the world.  And because God’s own son, Jesus, did this better than anyone else ever did, we always try to follow his example.  That means that in many ways, the way we live is very different from the ways that other people live.  In fact, and this is difficult for me to say to you because I love you so much, it means that the more you live your life for God, the more likely it is that some people will not like you, maybe even hurt you like they did Jesus.  Even still…

Like Jesus, we talk to God and listen as he speaks to us rather than living life on our own terms.

Like Jesus, when people do mean and bad things, we offer forgiveness rather than hold grudges or try to get even.

Like Jesus, when people are hurt or in need, we offer to help rather than let them suffer or assume that it’s their own fault.

Like Jesus, we go out of our way to be friends with people who don’t like or make fun of rather than ignore them or do the same.

Like Jesus, we give our money and things to people who need them even if they can’t pay us back rather than keeping everything for ourselves.

Like Jesus, we will lay our lives down for our enemies rather than try to injure or destroy them.

And that’s just the beginning!  These are just some of the ways that we get to enjoy God’s dream for the world.

Now listen, there’s a special name for people who live this way together, they are called “Church.”  They are the people who have been called out of the ways of the way the world is, in order to live out God’s dream for the way the world should be and will be someday.  Some people think that Church is some thing that you go to, like going to a movie or a restaurant, only religious.  But that’s not what it is, not at all!  I know you won’t really understand all this quite yet, but the Church is a group of people who embody a whole new world!  Nothing you ever do will be more important than being part of this people and adventure.  Now, let’s go meet some of the people we’re on this mission with.

The first of many more conversations I hope to have with my precious daughter along these lines.

Whoa, 2 full weeks since I posted about the beginning of our 1st anniversary trip to Ohio for a wedding.  Time flies…

On July 4, like good American patriots, we left Ohio for the promised land of Pelee Island on the Canadian side of Lake Erie.  I get excited for weeks beforehand when I know that I am gonna be able to get up to Pelee.  I love it there.  No hustle, no bustle, no cell phone reception or email.  Just the beach, the water, books, and people I love.

This time around, our friends Matt and Sharon and their son Deacon were among the number of loved ones that we got to share some time with.

The weather was hot, but gave us plenty of reason to lay on the beach and play in the water.  We did some boating, some tubing, made smores, shared stories, watched movies, and soaked in the enjoyment of fun and relaxation throughout the week.

On top of all this, Amy and I continued to celebrate our anniversary.  Here’s our attempt to capture the specialness of the occasion.  Between the hitting, crying, bugs, and neighborly interruptions, I’d say we pretty much nailed it

We also managed to successfully tote the top of our wedding cake (which had already made its way from Davenport to Elgin), to our hotel in Ohio, in the car to Sandusky, and then on the boat to the island.  It was a well traveled cake, but tasted amazing. Every layer of our wedding cake was different and the top was no exception – tie-dye!

So here’s to an unbelievable and unforgettable 1st year of marriage that was capped off by helping one couple celebrate the very beginning of theirs and spending time with another couple on the doorstep of a decade.  Cheers!

Some additional pictures from the trip here.

This weekend will mark year one of marital bliss for Amy and I and it’s be an incredible year in more ways that I can possible say.

To celebrate, we’ll be heading to Ohio so that I can officiate a wedding ceremony for 2 of my former students who will be living in the Chicagoland area and then we’ll head up to one of my favorite spots in the world, Pelee Island, with our friends the Matt and Sharon for some fun and relaxation.

For anyone who remembers and enjoyed the recap from 2008, Amy and I are working on a recap of 2009 and hope to have it finished by the time we come back.

So, you married veterans out there, as Amy and I reflect on our first year as husband and wife and do our best to ask some helpful questions of ourselves as we charge on into the future, what words of wisdom do you have to offer?

The life I live is one narrated by Love.

The other day I was looking for something and when I couldn’t find it where it should have been, I was forced to consult “the box.”

You know “the box” right?  It’s where you have stashed your odds and ends for years upon years.  You have no real idea what all is in there, but you also know equally well that there is no chance you would ever throw that box away!

As I worked through the contents of the box, I was moved to tears.  I found collections of letters, notes, cards, and pictures that I had all but forgotten.

A soccer ball that all my players signed for me when I coached.

A scrap of paper with simple words of encouragement that a good friend tucked in my bag right before I boarded a plane to embark on one of the hardest journeys of my life.

Letters from students with words of love and affirmation from my days as a student pastor.

Today is my 31st birthday – the first that I celebrate with the woman who vowed to love me for the rest of my life.  And if the last 8 months are any kind of gauge, the rest of my life is looking pretty great!

As I stop to think about how I have been loved for the last 30 years, how I am loved now, and how I may yet be loved in the future by people (and, Lord willing, children) that I don’t even know yet, I am overwhelmed with inexpressible joy and gratitude.

May I have the courage to love others as I have been loved – to help narrate the lives of others with the sort of Love that has characterized mine.

Just got done listening to Father Richard Rohr on the Homebrewed Christianity podcast (itunes link).

He said two of the greatest things I think I’ve ever heard..

The first isn’t original to him.

Truth is so needed at this point in history that it can only be entrusted to people of love.

The second is a direct quote.

I’m not trying to promote relativistic thinking; in fact, just the opposite.  I’m all for the journey toward truth, but too many people’s truth comes too soon, too quick, and it’s too filled with them.

I wonder if we can even conceive of an expression of Christian faith where Christ-like love and spiritual maturity are understood as basic prerequisites for the handling of truth?

This is my last week as a single guy.  Come Sunday, I’m a married man and I couldn’t possibly be more excited about it.

Handicapped by a devastating view of what freedom is really all about, marriage is often portrayed as the end of freedom – think Seinfeld, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, etc.  Here’s 3 reasons why, in opposition to that sort of notion, I am so excited to get married that all have to do with a new freedom I am about to embrace.

1) I don’t have any regrets from my season of singleness so I am free to embrace the adventure of marriage. I embraced, celebrated, and enjoyed my singleness.  Happily, I had good friends and mentors who taught me that singleness is a gift and should be treated as such as long as God grants it.  Shame on our culture (especially any Christian culture) for making people feel inferior for being single for as long they are able to embrace it as a gift.  Spend your single years pining away for a companion and you are all but destined to struggle with being married.

2) I don’t have to play the dating game anymore anymore so I am free to pursue God in the context of a covenanted relationship. I can’t count the number of couples that have spoken of marriage as a context which brought them face to face with their own selfishness and shortcomings like never before.  With all the guessing, ambiguity and semi-commitment of dating, this just doesn’t happen.  Again, fortunate enough to have come across people and books that dispelled lies about the purpose and aim of marriage, I am anxious to embrace marriage as a crucible toward Christlikeness.

3) Amy is not “The One” or “Mrs. Right” (since these only exist in fairy tale land), so I am free to never ask ridiculous questions like, “Did I marry the right person?” Don’t you love how freeing that is?!  The ability and opportunity trade in a cheap and shallow freedom along the lines of, “Well if this isn’t working I can always just bite the bullet and admit that I made the wrong decision,” for the true freedom of moving forward in the context of vows made and kept, is priceless to me.

And though it doesn’t pertain exactly to freedom, it’s nonetheless true that a big part of my excitement has much to do with the incredible woman who said, “Yes.”  To partner in life and ministry with Amy from here on out is the single most exciting thing that has ever happened to me.

That’s right – just the other day, for the first time ever, Amy G., dropped the F-Bomb, and in reference to me no less!  The F-Bomb of course being, “fiance!”

Amy and I got engaged this past Friday night, and in just 5 minutes and 30 seconds, you can hear the whole story in the video below!

Of course we welcome your congratulations in the comment section, but we are also taking our time to think creatively, imaginatively, and theologically about all the details between now and the honeymoon.  So if you have any ideas, thoughts, resources, links, stories or whatever to contribute, please, please, let us know.  No, we don’t know the date yet.  Yes, we will have more updates as stuff gets decided on.

I have been looking forward to reading Consuming Jesus: Beyond Race and Class Divisions in a Consumer Church by Paul Metzger for some time.  For the sake of an alternative context and experience, I was even more excited to read the bulk of it amidst my time in Africa and its deep seeded tribalism.

In Metzger’s words, his aim is to…

confront the ways evangelical-consumer or niche-church Christianity fosters racial and economic divisions, and I wish to offer an alternative theological paradigm to the one that is often embraced in the evangelical subculture. (11)

In my words, this alternative theological paradigm comes only by way of rejecting the version of the gospel which has led to a consumer-oriented faith/church and embracing one that prophetically strikes at the very heart of that reality.

In John Perkins’ words,

The only purpose of the gospel is to reconcile people to God and to each other.  A gospel that doesn’t reconcile is not a Christian gospel at all.  But in America it seems as if we don’t believe that.  We don’t really beleive that the proof of our discipleship is that we love one another.” (9)

I love that Perkins understands the gospel by what it does.  Like love, the gospel takes on its true nature only when it is enacted.

In the beginning of the book.  Metzger insightfully traces the various streams, characters, and events which have so vitally contributed to the dominant expression of Christianity in America.  From here, he probes into the ways in which “the dominant structure of the evangelical church today favors, fosters, and shapes its structures around the key ingredient of individual choice…” (79)  Key to understanding this tendency is his discussion of the popularization of the Homogenous Unit Principle (HUP) by Donald McGavran as a method for church growth.  The remainder of the book features insightful biblical and cultural reflections, helpful examples and a sustained discussion on the vitality of Scripture and sacraments for the formation of communities of reconciliation across racial and class boundaries.

Of Scripture, Metzger says…

We must move people with God’s word on Sunday mornings to move beyond their addictions to race and class affinity groups.  Authentic witness to Jesus is at stake, and we must stake our lives on it. (117)

– a quick aside here: just as the goodness of the gospel lies in what it does, so too the sermon is only good inasmuch as it results in changed lives.  Don’t ever tell a preacher his or her message was good unless you are prepared to also tell them how it resulted in your changed life

And I love that he includes Marva Dawn’s words on the Lord’s Supper…

How can we share the eschatological feast if we don’t participate in displaying God’s future, in which all will be equally fed and we will all join together in universal praise?  It seems to be that if we eat the body and blood of Christ in expensive churches without care for the hungry, the sacrament is no longer a foretaste of the feast to come, but a trivialized picnic to which not everyone is invited.

The end of the book is the author’s attempt to move into a discussion of partnerships amongst churches across racial and socio-economic lines.  His desire is for the church to…

re-envision its understanding of communal identity in view of its communal and co-missional God as involving solidarity with society at large…. This will entail a radical break from the dominant American individualistic mindset that keeps us separate from others.  It will require that we lay down our lives and die for our enemies rather than try to take back America from them. (149)

I found this to be a fantastic book.  A bit narrow at places where I though the discussion (at least by way of footnotes) should have been expanded, but definitely a much needed message for the American church.  I suppose the big question I am let with is how to think about local congregations that are seeking to incarnate themselves in places that are intrinsically homogeneous.  If anyone wants to weigh in, please feel free, I’d enjoy the discussion.

I was listening the other day to a message given by a teaching pastor that I respect.  He was teaching on baptism, specifically whether or not aspiring members needed to share the official doctrinal stance of the church before being accepted as members.  Rather than addressing that question directly, he decided to take a round-about approach.

He spoke of how important it is for the church to create a

relational culture…that is more intentionally and radically servant-like, other-oriented, thoughtful, outgoing, humble, thankful, aggressively concerned and caring, moving into the lives of others rather than moving away from them, committed to the hard work and sweet rewards of loving other people in the church.

He drew these characteristics from Colossians 3:12-17.  And his point was essentially this; it is in this sort of context that wisdom flourishes and when wisdom flourishes we can hope to come to agreement about baptism.

And here was my first thought.  If you have successfully created a relational culture of the sort mentioned above, who in the heck cares if you are in agreement about baptism?!

Do you see what I mean here?  It’s like finding ways to mutually inspire love, affection, connection, commitment, and excitement in marriage and then, when you do, thinking that it would be a good idea to talk about how you define love.  Who cares how you define it if you ‘re already both experiencing it?  In fact, defining it might be the most sure-fire way to kill it as you nit-pick at nuanced differences.

I am not in the least bit saying that there is no connection whatsoever between doctrine (what we say we believe) and praxis (how we live).  I am just saying that if you are living out a faithful Christian witness and example where God is glorified, your doctrinal stances matter very little.

Another problem.  At another point the pastor said,

As a member of this church, you can be wrong on election, wrong on the power of sin, wrong on the extent of atonement, wrong on the power of grace, wrong on perseverance, and wrong on the sovereignty of God… [but you can still be a member]

Man, I chafe under this sort of mentality.  “We, as the pastors and elders, have all the important doctrinal stuff worked out, and you don’t have to agree with us to be a member here, but this is the way it is, and we will pray for you to come around.”  I can imagine nothing more inhibitory to what Chritian community is all about than this sort of mindset.  How is the church supposed to listen to the Holy Spirit and fall in love with God through Scripture together if it’s a 1-way street?

I seriously pray for myself that I would always be more passioante about God than my limited ability to understand and articulate God.

From the Associated Press:

Ohio church: No kissing, tickling allowed

CINCINNATI (AP) — The Archdiocese of Cincinnati has issued a detailed list of inappropriate behaviors for priests, saying they should not kiss, tickle or wrestle children.

The newest version of the archdiocese’s Decree on Child Protection also prohibits bear hugs, lap-sitting and piggyback rides.

But it says priests may still shake children’s hands, pat them on the back and give high-fives.

I can hear the naysayers now, “This is just good advice. It’s godly wisdom. It’s ensuring that you don’t even have the appearance of evil.” And all that.

Without launching into lengthy biblical defenses of just how mistaken those thoughts are, let me just say how sad this makes me. That the Church, the people of God called to demonstrate an alternative reality, would have to pass decrees curtailing innocent signs of love and affection.

What has become of the Body of Christ when we can’t allows its spiritual leaders to give kids piggy-back rides? Sad.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Gal. 5:1.

I am the lone single person amongst a group of folks (7 couples) trying to figure out what it means and looks like to let what it means to be the church flow from our sharing of lives together.  A couple months ago we decided that we would spend a number of weeks hashing out the implications of a DVD series around the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  I have really enjoyed the discussions we’ve had as a result and in the midst of one of those a while back, I had this thought…

I wonder if many people struggle in marriage because they stop pursuing the other person.  We spend so much time pursuing someone for the sake of getting married to them, but once we are, we get more focused on the state of marriage than the pursuit of another.  It seems to me that it’s when we enter marriage that the real pursuing ought to begin.

I am taking my cues from the extent to which marriage is a parable of the relationship which exists between Christ and the Church.  I would say that we have an equally unfortunate idea about salvation – that what really matters is some beginning point and not all that follows after.  Just as I would say salvation is a journey in which we pursue God and are pursued by God with ever increasing depth, I would say the same for marriage.  It is in relationship that we have the truest freedom to pursue the other.

When we cease to pursue God (He never stops pursuing us by the way), we get bored with our faith and vibrancy is lost.  So too in marriage, when either party stops taking initiative to pursue the other in terms of who they are becoming, marriage loses its vibrancy and excitement.

I am under no delusion that this would ever be an easy thing, but I am not sure many people look at marriage like this – at least I haven’t heard them talk about it this way.  I wonder what marriages would look like if we thought of the point at which we enter them as the starting and not finish line?

Whether the journey of discipleship or the journey of marriage – what seems to matter most is the pursuit as opposed to the status.

I was with some friends (Bobby, Julie, Eve, Jessica, Amy, Clark, Clay, Cassandra, Joy, Olga) last night and we were discussing the best romantic comedies of all time. I of course won by letting everyone know that the best romantic comedy of all time is, as we all know, “Say Anything.” It wins for more reasons that I can possibly detail here, but chief among them is this classic scene.

Though I am thinking this one might have done the job as well – what do you think?

In conjunction with my previous 2 posts, I was reminded of this post which I titled, but never wrote. It is something I have been thinking about for a while and maybe now see a bit better, or feel a bit stronger, what I meant when I thought it up.

There is something in each of us, in my opinion – part of what it means to be made in the image of God, that wants to be known. This is almost certainly bound up with (if not the same as) the desire to be loved. This is perhaps the great common denominator of humanity – the search and desire to have others truly know us.

Social networking, in fact, all forms of communication, are tools which, to greater or lesser extents, assist this process. We talk, chat, text, share, link, and otherwise connect to know and be known. We long for connection – for those times when, in pregnant expectation, we reach out in communication to another and find common ground, affirmation, validation, appreciation, value, and mutuality. It is a powerful and empowering thing to feel and now that you are not alone.

But for all the tools at our disposal, I don’t think many are experiencing what they long for – what they were created for. Many more, I am afraid, end up convincing themselves that their superficial avenues of connectedness are in fact, the best anyone can hope for in this day and age. Or perhaps worse yet, people are so scared of actually being known that this is where they end up living – in a shallow state of community and connectedness that allows they to remain finally hidden.

There is no substitute for authentic, face-to-face, life-on-life, warts-and-all, community and connectedness. And it’s a huge risk to go there. It takes patience, sacrifice, discipline, courage and vulnerability – all of which are rare virtues in a culture stripped of its need of those traits (one can get by today without them with relative ease).

I am increasingly convinced that one of the greatest opportunities presented to the church in Western culture today is that of cultivating communities and disciples whose character reflects these virtues. How often do we talk about creating a patient community or vulnerable disciples? If these sort of virtues really are the sort that make it possible for us to know others and be known by others – and if doing so is analogous to knowing and being known by God, then surely these ought to be among our chief concerns.

I have long been admirer of Derek Webb and his music. I had some stuff to say here, and even made a presentation to go with one of his songs.

One of his most recent songs, with Caedmon’s Call, was featured the other night on Grey’s Anatomy (not originally their song). I didn’t see the show, but was able to check out the song and I have probably listened to it 30 times since then. I think it’s amazing and thought I’d share it with you.

Here are the lyrics.

how long you have traveled in darkness weeping
no rest in language, no words to speak
but there in the wreckage beneath bricks and bindings
love has come, love has come for you

against the night sky of your waiting
your face is like starlight when he walks in
everything worth keeping comes through dying
love has come, love has come for you

so lift up your heart now, to this unfolding
all that has been broken will be restored
here runs deep waters for all who are thirsty
love has come, love has come for you

ten thousand angels will light your pathway
until the day breaks fully in the East
they will surround you and make your way straight
love has come, love has come for you
love has come, love has come for you