• Archive of "love" Category

    “Going to Church” Is Not A Reality I Want For My Daughter

    July 26, 2011 // 6 Comments »

    I am one of those people who happens to believe in the importance of words.  While it’s a good thing to have a broad vocabulary, that’s not what I mean.  I mean that I think words are powerful.  Words aren’t just symbols and they certainly aren’t neutral.  Words actually DO things when we use them or hear them.

    Ever been called an idiot?

    Ever made a verbal promise?

    Ever double-dog-dared someone to do something?

    Yes?  Then you get what I mean.  Words are powerful tools.  I would even go so far as to say that words contribute to the shaping of our realities.  Just ask any teenager whose parent has told them on a consistent basis for years that they’re worthless.

    This is why I have abandoned the language of “going to church.”  This language reinforces a false reality.  A reality in which church is understood to be a place or an event rather than a Kingdom community or family of disciples.  I would submit that the idea of “going to church” is a chief hallmark of cultural Christianity, the sort of thing that, while having a ring of sincerity to it, actually reshapes our imaginations and our reality in ways counter to the biblical narrative and the purposes of God.  So, a few weeks ago, as Amy and I prepared to take our daughter to a gathering of our church community, she and I had one of our first father-daughter chats.

    I began to speak the kind of words to my daughter that I want her to grow up hearing – words that I want to shape her into the sort of person capable envisioning and receiving the story into which she has been born and invited – words that I hope will instill in her the sort of sorrowful/sick feeling that her father gets when he hears people relegate the Church to something we merely “go to.”

    I said to her,

    Daughter, you are a part of our family and our family is part of a very special group of people.  This group of people has a long, long history, filled with incredible stories that you will get to hear as you get older.  But here’s what you need to know.  God loves this world – everyone and everything in it.  He loves it more than we can even possibly imagine.  He loves it so much that he actually gave himself up for it – can you believe that?!  He did.  But lots of things are wrong.  Not everything is quite the way that it is supposed to be.  But don’t worry, God is at work.  He will see to it that in the end, all things will be made right again.  And guess what, God has invited us to join him on this mission.  He wants us to be a part of it with him as his people.  With God’s help we try to live out God’s dream for the world.  And because God’s own son, Jesus, did this better than anyone else ever did, we always try to follow his example.  That means that in many ways, the way we live is very different from the ways that other people live.  In fact, and this is difficult for me to say to you because I love you so much, it means that the more you live your life for God, the more likely it is that some people will not like you, maybe even hurt you like they did Jesus.  Even still…

    Like Jesus, we talk to God and listen as he speaks to us rather than living life on our own terms.

    Like Jesus, when people do mean and bad things, we offer forgiveness rather than hold grudges or try to get even.

    Like Jesus, when people are hurt or in need, we offer to help rather than let them suffer or assume that it’s their own fault.

    Like Jesus, we go out of our way to be friends with people who don’t like or make fun of rather than ignore them or do the same.

    Like Jesus, we give our money and things to people who need them even if they can’t pay us back rather than keeping everything for ourselves.

    Like Jesus, we will lay our lives down for our enemies rather than try to injure or destroy them.

    And that’s just the beginning!  These are just some of the ways that we get to enjoy God’s dream for the world.

    Now listen, there’s a special name for people who live this way together, they are called “Church.”  They are the people who have been called out of the ways of the way the world is, in order to live out God’s dream for the way the world should be and will be someday.  Some people think that Church is some thing that you go to, like going to a movie or a restaurant, only religious.  But that’s not what it is, not at all!  I know you won’t really understand all this quite yet, but the Church is a group of people who embody a whole new world!  Nothing you ever do will be more important than being part of this people and adventure.  Now, let’s go meet some of the people we’re on this mission with.

    The first of many more conversations I hope to have with my precious daughter along these lines.

    Posted in Amy, christendom, church, culture, discipleship, God, gospel, Jesus, kingdom, LOV, love, narrative theology, parenting, reconciliation, salvation, spiritual formation, stories, theology, truth

    1st Anniversary Trip to Pelee Island

    July 27, 2010 // No Comments »

    Whoa, 2 full weeks since I posted about the beginning of our 1st anniversary trip to Ohio for a wedding.  Time flies…

    On July 4, like good American patriots, we left Ohio for the promised land of Pelee Island on the Canadian side of Lake Erie.  I get excited for weeks beforehand when I know that I am gonna be able to get up to Pelee.  I love it there.  No hustle, no bustle, no cell phone reception or email.  Just the beach, the water, books, and people I love.

    This time around, our friends Matt and Sharon and their son Deacon were among the number of loved ones that we got to share some time with.

    The weather was hot, but gave us plenty of reason to lay on the beach and play in the water.  We did some boating, some tubing, made smores, shared stories, watched movies, and soaked in the enjoyment of fun and relaxation throughout the week.

    On top of all this, Amy and I continued to celebrate our anniversary.  Here’s our attempt to capture the specialness of the occasion.  Between the hitting, crying, bugs, and neighborly interruptions, I’d say we pretty much nailed it ;)

    We also managed to successfully tote the top of our wedding cake (which had already made its way from Davenport to Elgin), to our hotel in Ohio, in the car to Sandusky, and then on the boat to the island.  It was a well traveled cake, but tasted amazing. Every layer of our wedding cake was different and the top was no exception – tie-dye!

    So here’s to an unbelievable and unforgettable 1st year of marriage that was capped off by helping one couple celebrate the very beginning of theirs and spending time with another couple on the doorstep of a decade.  Cheers!

    Some additional pictures from the trip here.

    Posted in Amy, love, marriage, travles, video

    1 Year Anniversary

    June 30, 2010 // 2 Comments »

    This weekend will mark year one of marital bliss for Amy and I and it’s be an incredible year in more ways that I can possible say.

    To celebrate, we’ll be heading to Ohio so that I can officiate a wedding ceremony for 2 of my former students who will be living in the Chicagoland area and then we’ll head up to one of my favorite spots in the world, Pelee Island, with our friends the Matt and Sharon for some fun and relaxation.

    For anyone who remembers and enjoyed the recap from 2008, Amy and I are working on a recap of 2009 and hope to have it finished by the time we come back.

    So, you married veterans out there, as Amy and I reflect on our first year as husband and wife and do our best to ask some helpful questions of ourselves as we charge on into the future, what words of wisdom do you have to offer?

    Posted in Amy, friends, love, marriage, travles, wedding

    A Life Narrated by Love

    March 9, 2010 // 3 Comments »

    The life I live is one narrated by Love.


    The other day I was looking for something and when I couldn’t find it where it should have been, I was forced to consult “the box.”

    You know “the box” right?  It’s where you have stashed your odds and ends for years upon years.  You have no real idea what all is in there, but you also know equally well that there is no chance you would ever throw that box away!

    As I worked through the contents of the box, I was moved to tears.  I found collections of letters, notes, cards, and pictures that I had all but forgotten.

    A soccer ball that all my players signed for me when I coached.

    A scrap of paper with simple words of encouragement that a good friend tucked in my bag right before I boarded a plane to embark on one of the hardest journeys of my life.

    Letters from students with words of love and affirmation from my days as a student pastor.

    Today is my 31st birthday – the first that I celebrate with the woman who vowed to love me for the rest of my life.  And if the last 8 months are any kind of gauge, the rest of my life is looking pretty great!

    As I stop to think about how I have been loved for the last 30 years, how I am loved now, and how I may yet be loved in the future by people (and, Lord willing, children) that I don’t even know yet, I am overwhelmed with inexpressible joy and gratitude.

    May I have the courage to love others as I have been loved – to help narrate the lives of others with the sort of Love that has characterized mine.

    Posted in Amy, birthday, love

    Truth & Love

    January 4, 2010 // 1 Comment »

    Just got done listening to Father Richard Rohr on the Homebrewed Christianity podcast (itunes link).

    He said two of the greatest things I think I’ve ever heard..

    The first isn’t original to him.

    Truth is so needed at this point in history that it can only be entrusted to people of love.

    The second is a direct quote.

    I’m not trying to promote relativistic thinking; in fact, just the opposite.  I’m all for the journey toward truth, but too many people’s truth comes too soon, too quick, and it’s too filled with them.

    I wonder if we can even conceive of an expression of Christian faith where Christ-like love and spiritual maturity are understood as basic prerequisites for the handling of truth?

    Posted in love, truth

    1 More Week & Then I’m Free

    June 28, 2009 // 4 Comments »

    This is my last week as a single guy.  Come Sunday, I’m a married man and I couldn’t possibly be more excited about it.

    Handicapped by a devastating view of what freedom is really all about, marriage is often portrayed as the end of freedom – think Seinfeld, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, etc.  Here’s 3 reasons why, in opposition to that sort of notion, I am so excited to get married that all have to do with a new freedom I am about to embrace.

    1) I don’t have any regrets from my season of singleness so I am free to embrace the adventure of marriage. I embraced, celebrated, and enjoyed my singleness.  Happily, I had good friends and mentors who taught me that singleness is a gift and should be treated as such as long as God grants it.  Shame on our culture (especially any Christian culture) for making people feel inferior for being single for as long they are able to embrace it as a gift.  Spend your single years pining away for a companion and you are all but destined to struggle with being married.

    2) I don’t have to play the dating game anymore anymore so I am free to pursue God in the context of a covenanted relationship. I can’t count the number of couples that have spoken of marriage as a context which brought them face to face with their own selfishness and shortcomings like never before.  With all the guessing, ambiguity and semi-commitment of dating, this just doesn’t happen.  Again, fortunate enough to have come across people and books that dispelled lies about the purpose and aim of marriage, I am anxious to embrace marriage as a crucible toward Christlikeness.

    3) Amy is not “The One” or “Mrs. Right” (since these only exist in fairy tale land), so I am free to never ask ridiculous questions like, “Did I marry the right person?” Don’t you love how freeing that is?!  The ability and opportunity trade in a cheap and shallow freedom along the lines of, “Well if this isn’t working I can always just bite the bullet and admit that I made the wrong decision,” for the true freedom of moving forward in the context of vows made and kept, is priceless to me.

    And though it doesn’t pertain exactly to freedom, it’s nonetheless true that a big part of my excitement has much to do with the incredible woman who said, “Yes.”  To partner in life and ministry with Amy from here on out is the single most exciting thing that has ever happened to me.

    Posted in Amy, love, marriage

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