lifeasmission

Day 3: End of My Rope

March 15, 2006

So my focused prayer time didn’t roll around until about 11pm. I was in the library from 8-1:30 stressing out over getting a major project which integrated two classes from the quarter done by 5. I ran home to shove a PB&J down my throat and then it was right back to campus to start and finish my portion of a review sheet for a study group I had at 5:30. We studied till 9:30, I had a much needed conversation with a friend for about the next hour and a half. When I left I thought I was absolutely going to collapse.

I can’t remember the last time I was this emotionally, physically, and psychologically drained. I feel so overwhelmed with issues related to school, work, money, friends, family, theology, and my future that I feel like I could just explode at any moment. One second I feel great, like I can take on the world and the next I want to disappear and never come back. Finals week is always rough, but this one’s the worst one I have experienced to date.

So my “time with God” was spent on a late night stroll around my block and over at my gym in the Sauna (they don’t like it when you take pictures in there!). For a while, I just tried to breathe and not think really. I prayed for peace and clarity. I prayed for resolutions and discernment. I asked God to help me feel strong again and for Him to use this time to teach me whatever He could. I prayed for the homeless people I passed who may or may not have a place to stay tonight and who may or may not have a meal tomorrow and I remembered, my problems aren’t so bad. God began to remind me of not what is really important, as though my concerns don’t actually matter to Him because they are petty, but He began to remind me of other important matters. He reminded me that His main will for my life is not that I have it all figured out and feel in control, but that I remain open to Him and ready to serve when and how I am called on. God humbled me. It hurt. And I have never felt better.

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